Lipsa de educatie si logica – sau despre cum sa strici un copil (definitiv)
Cand suntem mici invatam multe. Ca adulti poate ca nici nu ne dam seama ca orice spunem unui pui acestuia ii ramane intiparit. Ca din replicile pe care i le oferim el invata si ramane pe viitor cu anumite depinderi si idei, antipatii, simpatii sau temeri.
Nu stiu altii ce parere au, dar mie mi-ar placea ca toata lumea sa gandeasca inainte de a deschide gura (si a spune uneori tampenii mai mari decat persoana in cauza). Bunaoara auzeam ieri la un eveniment dedicat copiilor cum o mama ii spunea fetitei de nici 2 ani ca un obiect pe care aceasta il dorea disparuse pentru ca il mancase pisica (avea o pisicuta de plus fetita). In primul rand ca o invata pe fetita ca pisica aceea de plus mananca ceva – culmea obiecte. Apoi o invata – gresit evident – ca o pisica mananca asa ceva.
La fel, in urma cu cateva saptamani am zarit pe strada o bunica cu o fetita. Aceasta copila era ceva mai mare – avea vreo 4-5 ani. Pitica insa… avea chef sa mai stea pe-afara in timp ce bunica voia sa mearga in casa. Pleaca bunica de langa copila, o cheama. Copila se uita la bunica, dar nu venea. Asa ca bunica zareste un caine pe strada (care era la vreun metru de fetita dar care nu avea nici cea mai mica intentie de a-i face ceva rau) si ii spune fetitei (pe post de factor motivational): “hai, acasa. Vino ca altfel te mananca cainele!”. Evident copilul s-a uitat la caine si s-a speriat si a fugit la bunica. Evident cainele pe langa care trecuse si bunica si treceau linistiti si alti oameni nu avea nimic de-a face cu copilul sau bunica. Dar aceasta bunica … (sunt eu prea diplomata pentru a-i pune aici un apelativ) a gasit imediat o scuza la indemana fara sa se gandeasca la faptul ca asa pe viitor fetitei va incepe sa ii fie frica de caini si la implicatiile grave ale acestui fapt.
Ceea ce ma doare foarte mult e ca din pacate iata avem zilnic mii – sute de mii de astfel de cazuri (daca nu milioane). Sunt oameni care demonstreaza in nenumarate feluri ca nu gandesc – nici in perspectiva, nici in clipa in care deschid gura. Oameni care nu isi dau seama de impactul lucrurilor pe care le spun si le fac. Din pacate trebuie sa traim cu consecintele vorbelor lor – si de asemenea sa fim contemporani cu toti acesti copii stricati – la propriu – de parinti si bunici in acest mod. E mult mai usor sa sperii un copil (cand e cazul) cu amenintarea cu Bau-bau – pe care nu il pot asocia cu ceva. Trebuie sa si gandesti insa!
Insemnari similare
corect si din pacate sunt si parinti tineri fara minte, care sperie copiii cu injectii, cu “nenea doctoru”, cu “mersul la scoala”. cu pedepsitul cu “scrisul in plus la matematica”, si lista e interminabila…
cred f serios ca parintii si bunicii ar avea nevoie de o “scoala”, o emisiune macar la 2-3 zile la tv, radio etc, de genul Super nanny, foarte utila parintilor isterici sau prea ingaduitori cu copii prea obraznici etc
nici nu ne dam seama ca din copilarie si din familie cresc acesti copii cu niste tare de comportament si frici care-i urmaresc o viata intreaga…
si apoi ne mai miram de unde atata violenta la adulti, sau timiditate sau diverse altele…
Ultimul post al mariana duma: Comentariu literar al unei manele
oooo, dah! cata dreptate ai! parintii fac multe greseli cand transmit mesajele lor parentale copiilor. uneori ma gandesc ca ar trebui o lege care sa interzica oamenilor sa devina parinti, inainte de a absolvi scoala de parinti. si daca raman repetenti, sa nu poate sa faca copii. uneori stau si ma minunez cat de multa superficialitate exista in oameni si cum trateaza ei cu indiferenta tocmai viata copiilor lor. ca sa nu mai vorbim ca multi dintre parinti fac exercitii de putere: bataie, violenta fizica, verbala, fata de copiii lor tocmai pentru ca ei sunt firi slabe, personalitati bolnave, minti tulburate. si prima lor reactie e aceea de a speria copilul, de a+l face sa se simta si mai mic decat este. intrebarea mea este: ma bati pentru ca esti mare si poti? Cum ar fi sa te bat si eu cand voi fi mare si voi putea? Ma sperii cu catelul, cu pisica, cu orice poti numai pentru ca nu poti sa+mi explici ce e bine si ce e rau si pentru ca nu esti TU parinte, bunic, in stare sa+ti pui ordine in ganduri si sa+mi acorzi explicatii logice, care sa ma invete porma sa gandesc singur. Cum ar fi sa te tratez si eu, cu aceeasi lipsa de respect, atunci cand rolurile se vor schimba? Cand eu copil voi creste, voi fi matur si iti voi purta de grija? Sau aceasta poate fi doar o situatie ipotetica fiindca in acest caz e posibil ca tu, figura parentala, nici macar sa nu+mi fi consolidat dorinta de a+ti oferi ajutor atunci cand ai nevoie. Deci, e posibil nici sa nu+mi pese daca zaci in sant! Si atunci, degeaba te plangi rudelor si cunostintelor: vai ce copil am crescut la usa mea! Vai si cat m+am chinuit cu el! De cele mai multe ori personalitatea copilului este oglinda comportamentelor adultilor. Ca sa zic asha: cine seama vant culege furtuna! Si nu numai.
Lipsa de educatie a parintilor, nihilismul lor, lipsa de interes fata de copil, lipsa de rabdare (observati o gramada de lipsuri) si ma opresc aici doar ca sa nu ma doara sufletul si mai tare de atatea lipsuri – se rasfrang in mod direct si nemijlocit asupra personalitatii copilului. Ca sa fii parinte, pana nu de mult, nu-ti trebuia scoala multa. Ii admir pe parintii de la tara care continua sa transmita valori copiilor lor. O sa revin. Imi place topicul. Acum m-am pornit si simt ca sunt subiectiva. I ll be back!
O discutie lunga, bineinteles ca ai dreptate. Ca sa nu mai vorbim de parintii care dau Coca-Cola, sugarilor! (da, chiar am vazut asa ceva odios) sau alte obiceiuri “parintesti” ca batutul si injuratul de fata cu ei. Chiar si viitoarea violenta domestica sta in modele afisate de parinti pe vremea cand esti copil.
Avem parte inca de o mentalitate extrem de “comunista”, ca sa nu spun altfel. Sunt oameni de generatie veche care nu incearca sa inteleaga copilul si nevoile lui, si se rezuma la a il santaja sau ameninta, in functie de cheful lui in acel moment.
A avea un copil este un dar, nu o povara. Din pacate insa, nu multi vad lucrurile astea si ajung sa-si bata joc de copiii de doar cativa anisori. Trist!
Ultimul post al Simona: Noi pe cine dam vina?!
@Simona – draga mea ce scrii tu imi aduce aminte de un comentariu de aici de ep blog. Scriam la un moment dat despre reclama de la testul de sarcina Sure Check. Mie mi-a placut, m-a amuzat, am laudat conceptul si realizarea. Si a venit cineva sa critice ca vezi doamne daca ai ajuns sa iei test din acela nu esti deloc fericit si nu ai motive decat de stres. I-am zis ca asta poate in cazul unor inconstienti – dar nu atunci cand gandesti cu adevarat. Cert e ca din pacate prea multi vad copilul fie ca pe ceva necesar (ca asa se face, sau pentru a pastra pe cineva langa tine), fie ca pe o povara (vezi barbatul care tocmai si-a omorat bebelusul in bataie ca plangea).
In rest… numai de bine. Sper ca acesti oameni care nu gandesc sa aiba alaturi pe cineva care sa se incumete sa le deschida ochii. Poate avem o sansa. Si mai sper ca ai lor copii sa vrea ceva mai bun pentru copiii lor (cand va fi cazul), sa se ridice deasupra “educatiei” primite.
Ca sa nu fie doar fete la subiectul asta, hop si eu: sunt complet de acord cu ce ati scris toate!
Si ideea unei scoli speciale, obligatorii ptr. toti adultii care SE GANDESC sa faca copii, si care sa fie concentrata numai pe cresterea copiilor mi se pare elementara si urias de utila!
Daca iti trebuie curs specializat cu diploma ca sa conduci o ferma de vaci, cum sa fie ok sa faci copii asa, dupa chef, doar pentru ca erai prea ametit in seara respectiva ca sa cobori sa cumperi niste prezervative de la non-stop?
Si daca pentru cresterea unor simple flori sau dresajul unui catel ai nevoie de instruire, de studiu individual si de experienta ca sa te poti lauda ca te pricepi, cum naiba pentru educarea celei mai complicate fiinte vii – copilul foarte mic – este suficient sa fii extrem de excitat ca sa ti se acorde, automat, dreptul de a fi considerat parinte (adica pedagog, exemplu de viata, antrenor, profesor… si toate astea cu drepturi exclusive, mai presus de orice alti oameni din lume, indiferent cat de priceputi ar putea fi aceia)?!
NOTA: ma refer la ambele parti implicate, deci nu va luati dupa exprimarea mea “masculinizanta” si ne-“politicaly correct”.
Da, aparent e nevoie de scoala – desi culmea vorbim despre lucruri de bun simt si logica elementara.
Cuvintele, prelungire a unor ganduri, a unor intentii , sunt si ele menite sa deseneze sau sa traseze mai ferm comunicarea. Exemplele concrete oferite de materialul tau subliniaza din nou ce dans lipsit de ritm se articuleaza intre gandire si cuvant. De cate ori in viata de zi cu zi nu observam cu inima stransa ca vorba se repede asa printre dinti, suierat , in timp ce logica, buna judecata stau lenese cu burtile umflate , cine stie prin ce cotloane? Desi stim cat de implacabil e cuvantul: poate sa mangaie , sa aline sau pur si simplu sa scormoneasca pana ce sangele tasneste in suvoi… Noi, oamenii, avem multe chestiuni dificile de gestionat si povestea incepe din copilarie: atunci cand mama ne spune ca pisica inghite obiecte, sau bunica ne sperie cu imaginea acelui caine( fiinta poate cea mai inofensiva ,devenita agresiva tot din cauza adultilor)… Ma gandesc ca vorbele pe care le rostim ar trebui sa fie simple, clare, putine sau mai numeroase, dar in orice caz menite sa ajute comunicarea. Din pacate chiar zilele astea am constatat ce poate sa se intample atunci cand comunicarea, dialogul se realizeaza prin vorbe spuse inainte de rostirea gandului, sau si mai grav cand vorbele menite sa deschida lacatele inimii ascund de fapt intentia sau gandul pagubos. Se pot scrie eseuri intregi despre vorbe si un copil al putea sa ne spuna propria lui poveste despre vorbe… De fapt mi-ai dat o idee!
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